Follow Up on AVB Recipe from Merry Jane

Today marked one month from the time I began the AVB oil steeping in my bedroom closet. Nothing planned today at all so I thought a month was long enough to brew. At lunch I pulled out the jar and buttered my bread with the back of the spoon dipped in the dirty oil for a grilled cheese. Wasn’t enough to feel anything, as I suspected. 

I called it dirty oil there for a reason. As described in the previous blog on how to make this THC rich oil I added Already Vaped Bud to olive oil. The Bud was light to medium brown and brittle from being toasted at the perfect temperature in the oven of my Pax Vape. That now soaked in oil is just as delicate to pressure as it was dry, only not so easy to strain out of oil now. So the dark green brown oil that is the result also has all the bud. Most sunk to the bottom of the jar, but about 10% seems to be suspended throughout the oil. Trying to skim oil off the top is pretty impossible without plant material clinging to the spoon or slipping into the round of the spoon itself. So, it looks like dirty oil. Gross but not unpalatable. My grilled cheese had bits of bud after cooking. I didn't notice them when I ate. In this case the crunch of the oil fried bread matched the texture with the brittle cooked bud. And although yummy, alas there was no buzz to indicate I medicated enough.


Several hours later I was able to try again at dinner. This time I measured out exactly 1 Tablespoon of AVB oil into the small fry pan and cooked my steak strips, then the veggies, and lastly mixed together and flavoured with asian sauces. I made my families dinner exactly the same but with regular oil in a larger pan and at the same time. Again the texture of the dirty AVB oil was hidden with the multiple textures of the stir fry and rice on my plate. The subtle taste of the earthy cannabis terpenes mixed well with the soya sauce, sesame oil and beef. It was a good meal. 

It was a bit longer for this high to kick in for me than usual compared to when I eat my morning dose in brownie or cookie form. I have to take into consideration that this is an entirely different mix of strains coming from my Vape. So this oil has a completely different high for me than my brownie high. When I make Canna-Coconut Oil I mix a high CBD, an Indica and a Sativa, in roughly thirds. But when I vape it’s usually day time so ALL the AVB is only high CBD and Satvia. No Indica at all. So this is pretty much the highest head high I’ve ever had. One Tablespoon it is for my dosage. And perhaps, given that my AVB oil is Sativa I may change my medication habits and cook breakfast with this oil and save the cookies for later in the day when I should be winding down. 

This is what my oil looks like now. Most of the bud sinks to the bottom, when I get down that far I will carefully strain off the oil through a sieve, cuz no one wants THAT much bud in their food! Top floaty bud is not a bother but could be strained off by spooning it through a small sieve right back into the jar.

Did you start collecting your AVB yet? If not you should start! It’s like getting twice the weed for half the money! I just grabbed a clean glass jam jar and keep it on my desk next to the Pax charger. This is where I store the already vaped bud, in a clean air tight jar instead of the garbage. Usually I dump the bud after a few uses, when the green turns a light toasted brown colour. If you toast it too dark there won't be any THC left to get absorbed into the oil. If you vape regularly you will get used to how long it takes you to toast the bud to get enough medicine then, but still have a lightly toasted bud to soak in oil for more medicating later.

Any questions? Anything you would like me to try? Got a recipe I could blog about? Lets make this interactive!

Happy Medicating everyone.

How and Why I use Cannabis Infused Oils

None of my Non-medicating friends (that's all of the people I know pretty much) want to hear me talk
about what I've learned and why I do what I do. That's fine. My husband has to hear about it, until I over load him with details. Last night while explaining something to him I realized, it's exactly what I need to explain in my next blog post. How and Why I use Cannabis Infused Oils.

From my reading, video watching and experimenting there are now a few things I do because it makes medical and/or logical sense to me. This works for me. Something else might work best for you. I also realize that there are places with fewer or more regulations than I now have in Canada. You do what's best for you. I'm just giving you some ideas that you might want to learn or adopt. In the mean time, I'm always learning! So tomorrow it's possible, with more information, I may change how I do things.

When I purchase my medical marijuana I get a full range of strains. My desire is to get the best strains to fit the physical issues I have, gently intertwined with the type of high they produce. I have to factor how the product will be used, if I had it last time, as well as taste. Taste matters to me since vaping releases way more of the specific taste of each strain than smoking a joint does. I always choose the high CBD strain, two Sativa and two Indica strains. About 1/3 of the bud goes to oil and the other 2/3 to vaping or joints (maybe its closer to 1/2 and 1/2). 

The Oil 

I use Coconut oil because I have read that Coconut oil is more bio-available. It has a higher fat content than butter, and thus a better

carrier for the cannabinoids. Coconut oil has many of its own health benefits and is easily absorbed by the skin since it melts with your own body heat. It smells great, and adds flavour. It is both edible and great for topicals so I don't bother with Cannabutter anymore. I can make one small "batch" (all of 1/4 cup today) and divid it up, half to some edibles and half to topical use. Two separate jars of course so as not to end up eating what I've stuck my fingers into. 

 Note: storage can be fridge or counter top, depending on how hot it is. Coconut oil will liquify in a warm room. This does not change the medicinal (or other) effects of the infused oil, but it affects what I store it in. I found a small sample glass jar (0.5oz) to be the perfect size to store or carry my Infused oil. As testament, my jar of liquified oil did not leak during my recent cross Province flights (but my face wash did). 

The Cannabis Infused Coconut Oil

I infuse the coconut oil with at least three different strains of Cannabis. About 1/3 of the weigh is the
high CBD, 1/3 Sativa and 1/3 Indica. The reason for this is so I get a wide spectrum of medicinal value for my effort. The CBD strain is great for reducing inflammation which causes or contributes to pain and it reduces spasticity (like Restless Leg Syndrome). The Sativa provides a happy or euphoric energy that I like in the day. It has anti-depressant properties that have changed my life! The Indica provides good pain killing effects that I need. Yes, the indica usually produces a heavy body feel making one dopey and sleepy. Not a great effect when I need to medicate every day, all day. The benefit of having all three strains in the oil in equal-ish amounts is the CBD and Sativa help counter the sleepy and the high effects of the Indica strain. It sort of levels everything out so that there is less (but still some) effect of the high, with all the medicinal value. That being said, if I take in more than the 1/4 tsp I use I can still get pretty blazed!

How I Medicate

A typical day when I can medicate freely and without interruptions involves four methods of intake.
In the morning I will ingest about 1/4 tsp of Infused Coconut oil. Either by melting it in my morning coffee (which I do in a small cup on the side, like a shot) or in a food item I have made. Eating the Infused Oil provides a good pain reducer for up to five hours I've found. Before getting dressed I rub infused oil into my arthritis (AO) affected knees and the muscles on my left arm. The oil absorbs in quickly and does not leave a greasy feel. Because I apply it to or near the source of pain and inflammation it is a more targeted approach specifically to reduce them. Since I first tested it out I will not work a shift without first applying the oil to my knees.

The rest of the day I use my Vape. Throughout the day I vape a mix of High CBD and one or both of the sativas I have. This, layered on top of the body/pain relieving high that I've already started by eating the oil helps the medicine to stay at the same level with little drop off, unless I have restraints in my ability to vape, which can happen, especially while at work.
Come evening is when I exclusively use the Indica/CBD mix. I could vape this, but for some reason, out of habit since it's the first thing I tried maybe, I like to roll a joint with one or both my Indicas. I have also used a bong and a pipe instead of a joint from time to time, but I find the activity of sitting outside for a puff rather relaxing while the weather is nice. The reason I use no Sativa and only Indica/CBD at bed time is to keep me relaxed and sleepy rather than energetic. I mix the Indica and CBD strain because the first is
pain relief and the CBD strain relaxes and stops the restless leg syndrome I fought for about 2 years. It helps me fall asleep and stopped my over active mind, the pain in my arm and knees, and completely stopped the leg spasms that kept me from falling asleep every night for hours.


This method of medicating works for me because most of it is discreet, easy to do anywhere, anytime, and its effects are long lasting. I'm sure if it was necessary to go a period of time without being able to go out for a puff I will still be able to medicate without anyone being the wiser with just my infused coconut oil.

Cannabis Culture Vs. the Pot Culture

I had a short conversation via text the other day with a friend about the oddity that is my life right now. How I'm stuck between the Cannabis Culture and the Hippie High.

See I'm a new breed of Pot smoker. I don't call it Pot, and I don't (usually) smoke it. Admittedly I feel a sense of importance to the new Cannabis Culture that is arising. Why? I'm not really sure. I've never grown it so have no helpful tips of the trade. I don't sell it, and so have no secret insider information. I'm no scientist so I can't tell you any groundbreaking new discoveries. Heck! I've only started using in December of 2014. I think it has more to do with the importance one person can make when they stop believing the propaganda and learn something from experience instead. It also has to do with being a woman involved, in a small way, in a new revolution. I've never felt so important actually! (if only Rona Ambrose really knew from experience, perhaps she'd lighten up too and start making a positive difference!)


That conversation I had started like this....
Me: ....the whole stoner culture intrigues me cuz I'm not really part of it. Everything I do is measured and dosed and picked based on relief of symptoms. And done alone. I don't often get the chance to indulge in the freedom of just having a toke and a talk with a friend.

That right there sums up the Cannabis Culture Vs. the Pot Culture


Thankfully my friend calmed my slight paranoia that evening and let me know I did nothing wrong by immediately seeing a simple drive home one evening after work as an appropriate time to pass a joint her way (whew). Navigating this new life is sometimes easy and other times I have no grid for what's right, wrong or otherwise. My Cannabis use is for medicinal reasons. But it's fun to cross that line and just get blasted too. I've had to learn everything I know by myself. Whether it was through Youtube videos or reading articles from HighTimes, or The Stoners Cookbook. I've taught myself how to roll joints, blunts, make butter/oil and what paraphernalia is best, worse, or most useful. I can also discuss the finer points of Cannabis science that has so far exceeded everyones else's limits I know. This is what the new breed of Stoner looks like. Like a 40-something working mother trying to live life to its fullest cuz hiding from it in alcohol, pills or seclusion just weren't working for me anymore.



This is Cannabis use in the selfie culture! Everything done alone. A quick search of Puff Puff Pass in Google images bears no group photos. I have one photo of myself smoking from a pipe, but the full photo won't be seeing the light of this or any other computer. At least not yet, I'm still a closet cannabis user. But I do have rather a lot of photos of the different strains I've bought, blunts I've rolled, the cookies I've made, and the stuff I've bought (many of these photos can be found on my public Facebook page of the same name). All of it done alone. So am I taking pictures to prove I can do it? Maybe, but I tell myself its for my blog. I also do it to educate. I'm not the only Mid 40's woman out there who has just embarked on a new Cannabis way of life. If I can do it, so can anyone!

It is a strange thing being on one side of the coin but having grown up "seeing" another side, the old culture. The Hippie Pot culture. What some refer to as Stoner culture. Where a group of people gather, pass a few joints around, share some peace, ideas, and free love. Really, they were doing exactly what still needs to happen today. Sharing life together in real and meaningful ways. Having community. Something sorely lacking in todays fast paced selfie culture. But is it dying out? Is the Stoner Culture being transformed along with our laws, regulations and knowledge of the Cannabis plant? Will any of the original Pot Culture hang on through this transition and stay firmly fixed in spite of the new solitary places we find ourselves? I guess that's really up to us to determine. I for one do not want to lose the good old days that I have still yet to experience, but would rather see it merged with the new.

Growing Pains

Every one gets them, or had them. Growing pains. Usually the idea of them though hovers over the young and still physically growing. Not so much over a woman in her mid 40’s. But, realistically, as you begin to expand in any area of life, be it physical, spiritual, emotional or even social, growing pains can occur. They are just called something different. Like sore muscles from body building (or aging), or spiritual awakening, an emotional breakdown, or even Midlife Crisis. Well, I’m definitely experiencing some growing pains of my own. And I think I’m on a fast track in doing so. 

Perhaps this is my Midlife Crisis. Deciding at 45 yrs old to try Marijuana for the first time. And I’m now even sizing up Salvia, MDMA, or another psychoactive to get some deep healing. But not right away. I’ve got lots of research to do still, not to mention some healing, and even growing. I still need to figure out who I am, why I am and what I want to do with the rest of my life. I’m sure at least one of those mentioned above will be part of my journey. Just not yet. 

Spiritually I am, I think, more on top of the ride rather than under it. I don’t feel torn, or even confused by the new direction I have chosen. Instead I feel empowered, awakened, and for the first time free! I saw this photo on HONY on Facebook with the quote, "I haven't felt guilt since I last had a belief system.” I got the impression he understood what I am feeling for the first time now. A lack of judgement. A lack of guilt. A lack of fear even. Instead, I am choosing to hang on to what has always drawn me to religion and spiritual experiences, the love. We, as humans are love, full of love, created by love, and for love. As an imperfect expression of this all encompassing love it needs to be my life long pursuit to express, and be love to the best of my ability. To not settle for fear of the unknown, or my inability to function in a situation but instead let the love that is in me overwhelm those other feelings to the point of motivation and action. The pursuit of love. Sounds simple enough….But I’m no longer fooled. It can be more complicated than you’d think when dealing with other underlying issues.

Emotionally I think I’ve hit a snag. On the surface I’m fine. Even a layer or two down I’ve got a handle on my normal crisis riddled life, now. But deeper than that something is stunted. I feel it. Like some huge wound that is just out of sight, waiting for me to trip over the jagged edge of it and fall right in. Amlost maliciously. I even suspect the issue stems from mother issues. Never feeling good enough for her. Never doing anything right in her eyes. It just seemed so backwards to me as a teen, especially. How I ended up being the one who did everything wrong, when I chose church and religious activities and my sister could do no wrong while she smoked, had many boyfriends, and even got caught by our mother having sex in our house at 17, I don’t think I’ll ever understand. I’ve always just tried to push memories like those out rather than confront them and deal with them. I think this is the first thing I really need to confront. It’s a scary thing to consider. The possibility that the gapping hole will swallow me and I’ll never find a way out of it might be remote, but the fear of that happening is tangible. I’m wanting to be bold and attack this. It will happen eventually. One bit at a time. Hopefully with help. But if no help is available it will still be worthwhile to pursue healing. And maybe I’ll learn I don’t need to find a hero other than the one in me. 

Socially I’m a high functioning idiot. I can do surface relationship really well. Trying to venture any deeper and I lose the ability to know what’s appropriate and what’s not. I usually come on way to strong. I have always smothered any relationship. If looking backwards tells me anything it says I have little to no experience with deep friendships. Really. I was not close to my sister, and the friends I had as a kid may have been within the neighbourhood and in my same classes, but the ridicule and exclusion I suffered from so many of them created a very shy and self conscious young woman. Anger too came from the feeling of powerlessness most likely. Depression also became a struggle due to the feeling of being rejected, and feeling alone. 

I somehow managed to get married, to another wounded person. So our marriage is functioning but I wouldn’t call it super successful. Frankly with as much crisis as this family has encountered, and the stress it created it’s a wonder we are still an intact family. We always had to deal with the crisis at hand and never had time to focus on how to have healthy relationships. It’s just easier now to just ignore, or put up with what I dislike since he’s a good man, and it’s not bad enough to fix, but not great enough to thrive. This area is far too sensitive to bring up any further. Too much pain.

Even I can see the tangled mess of one flowing into the next. They are all connected, making an endless loop. The emotional and social mess I am effect my spiritual life also. Why else would I always feel unable to please God?! No matter how hard I tried. Mentally beating myself up for not being good enough. Always hearing the words of Jesus in a tone of voice that burned with disappointment, and frustration, or anger, or annoyance. As hard as I tried. As much as I desired it, I could not hear Him saying anything in a loving tone, with a kind voice and a kind face. So I’ve stopped trying. I’ve stopped focusing on trying to feel loved and instead I’m focusing on giving love. 

So the tangled mess of everything does sometimes drown out the pleasures of everyday blessings. Thus I’ve become more aware and now I often make a conscious effort to enjoy the moments right in front of me. The choice to do so helps to keep everything else in perspective. When I use to focus on the mess, either on the inside, or the outside it just produced depression. Now, I am much more happy and fulfilled in my boring everyday life. Because in this boring everyday life there are some really fantastic moments, some really amazing friends, and some interesting experiences. The knowledge that I am now gathered into the greater good of this world, strategically placed to spread love and kindness to whomever my life encounters, to the best of my ability gives my everyday life purpose and meaning and joy. 

While I could very easily digress to the negative perspective as I have done for so long, now I chose differently. Sometimes that choice has to be made everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. Other times I forget altogether. Eventually I remember to shift my focus to staying in the moment and being the Love I know I am. These are choices that have no attachment to a religion, a denomination, a creed, or a sect. But they do have a spectacular reaction in a humans life once they are choose.

I’m so glad I am waking up. 

It feels good to be present in my own life, instead of wishing it away.

Edibles: Getting Baked, While Baking

After my successful experience a few weeks ago with my first edible, a gift of Peanut CannaButter Cookies from a friend, I strongly expressed to Sensei that I had to do that again! So we planned for a couple weeks and saved our money. Then Sensei made the purchase of a full Ounce which we went halfsies on so we could bake. Sensei choose to make the butter, already having had experience with it. I was given the Cannabutter and baked cookies at my place the following day. We each choose a recipe for me to bake and split. This is what happened that day.

The Cannabutter was made by Sensei, and from the description it was done differently this time compared to the other times Sensei made it. This time the Crock-pot method was employed, for 24 hrs. I found out from Sensei that the finished product turned out stronger than the usual stove top method. Of course, why Sensei had to change things to make them more potent when this was my first bake I’m not sure, but whatev’s. I can limit my intake knowing it is stronger.

The first thing I did when I got home was scrap a very small amount off the top of the Cannabutter and stir it into my coffee. Then I discovered I misjudged how many chocolate chips I had and ended up running to the store for a big bag. While out I noticed the butter was starting to take effect as I began to feel a slight warming in my abdomen. I recalled this feeling from the first time. It was a light effect given how little I had ingested, it just made me feel a slight euphoria. I was nervous that I was out when I started to feel it, but I was able to drive home to begin the baking process again without any trouble.

Sensei choose the first recipe for The Best Cannabis Chocolate-Chip Cookies found on EMarijuanaRecipes.com. I have to say, the butter mixture stank really strong so incense was burned to counter the smell. Thank you Sensei for making the butter at your place! Baking with Cannabutter I learned that one should always use glass, or metal baking implements so as not to have wood or plastic infused with the smell. So glad I read and heeded that information before taking on this endeavour. 

   

The Cannabutter melted very easily with very little heat, and mixed well with the two sugars and eggs. The dry ingredients were added to the wet, then the add ins. We choose to use both Chocolate chips and Nuts. I had on hand Pecans, so used them. Once the raw dough was made I found there to be a lot of chocolate chips. So many that at times I had to remove a chip or two for them to remain formed into balls. In order to keep a consistency in the size of the finished product I used a small scoop to pick up the dough. I hand roll them nice and round and baked an even amount to be able to divide them evenly. I was able to get 80 chocolate chip cookies from one cup of Cannabutter. 

  

I wanted to try them but could not until my oldest Son left the house, which I discovered he needed to at 1:15pm to catch a bus. The second he left I ate two cookies. Ten minutes later my son returned needing a ride as the bus had been missed! I was still ok enough to drive, so I did, without feeling any effects before I was home. 

As a side note, my son did wonder what the heck I was making when he got up. Dark green butter with a smell like that will tip anyone off, and there’s no way of hiding what it is. So I admitted that I was making pot cookies for a friend who offered to pay me to do it. I commented how baking and taking this friend cookies over the last few months had paid off and allowed me to do this for them. ‘Oh, and Mom could get arrested for this, so don’t say anything’….I’m hoping he bought it. (2 1/2 months later, I have told my son I'm legal and eventually found out he had no idea I was using at this point-whew!)

Back to my baking. By 2:24pm I was GONE! I had kids scheduled to arrive home from school in about an hour and I still had to finish making the second batch of cookies. These ones I was told to pick. So I found an Cannabis Compost Oatmeal Cookie recipe from Good and Baked website. Given that I was good and baked myself by this time I found the recipe hard to follow. It was not layed out in step by step instructions. I somehow managed to focus enough for short periods of time that I was able to finish mixing this batch. No pictures this time though. The add ins I used were Raisins, Cranberries, Cinnamon and Nutmeg. I don't know how they taste yet. So we shall see if I made a good stoned decision. It was torture baking them. I was feeling slightly paranoid and wanted to go to my room, but I was stuck making the last of the cookies and cleaning up after myself so none of my hungry children would come in from school and eat any not realizing what they were! So I stuck it out and waited 16 minutes as each batch cooked. This type of cookie was bigger due to the fact that they are made of lumpy oats, so we only got a total of 32 cookies out of this half pound. They sure look good though.

To describe my state after eating the two cookies I would have to say more stoned then I’ve ever been so far. While making and waiting for the last of the cookies to bake I was hippy dancing in the kitchen. I don’t know how else to describe it. If you see any of the old clips from the original Woodstock and see the girls dancing in long flowing skirts, headbands, and sunglasses….that was pretty much me. Nothing but the music existed in those moments, and minutes between oven and cookie change overs. AS soon as I finished washing up and bagging the cookies to hide in my room until I could count again and split them up I was next in my room hiding from my family. I was present, and then I was somewhere else, then here again, then elsewhere. I was able to communicate with people again 6 hours after the edibles took effect. But the half life of the stuff was still present. I was extremely relaxed for much of the night. I slept wonderfully! Didn’t wake up once, an unusual thing for me. This morning I no longer feel the half life but I do feel more laid back than usual and still more apt to dance to music. I did nothing in a rush today. 

I asked Sensei about the strength and taste of the cookies, given they have way more experience with edibles than I do. I was congratulated. The cookies tasted very good I was told, and the weed butter taste is minimal given how strong they are. Four cookies made Sensei’s eyes completely red and gave a very strong body high. This coming from someone who has had five years experience with Cannabis! I think the crock-pot method will be the method of choice from now on!

Then Sensei says, ‘if i didn’t have to go back to work tonight, i would eat a couple more and watch a movie. You can get to a certain high on edibles where it becomes psychedelic.’ 

this is NOT the real Sensei

Well! There’s another bucket list item! I’ll have to try that another day, when I don’t have to work for a couple days. 

Getting High WITH Hubby?!?!

Well! If I thought it was uncomfortable to be high in front of my husband, imagine just how uncomfortable it was for me this past weekend getting high WITH my husband! The answer is VERY uncomfortable! Not because I feel I’m doing something wrong and I don't want him to see me that way, or me to see him that way. It was more because I felt I had lost the only person I could trust to make good judgements while I was high. If I’ve latched onto anything in all my reading it’s the idea of being able to trust who you're with. 

We were away for the weekend. One night turned into two because we were snowed in at the Hotel with highways closed all over the province. We kind of expected it so we were prepared and not stressed about it. We decided to enjoy it. By Sunday afternoon I was ready for a puff.  We decided upon smoking in the car since this posh hotel had surveillance just about everywhere. My husband said he would join me and just have one puff so as not to be as high as me. That was all it took apparently. He agreed later that the stuff of today is stronger then the stuff his brother use to grow in the back of an old truck on the farm. It was fast acting, but didn't last as long as it did for me as I smoked more. 

The first time of many I thought, “this is the worst idea we have ever had” came as we were trying to get out of the car. Snow so deep it was as high as my boots. It was uneven to walk on and made me feel unsteady. Getting in the building I assumed the smell was blasted off us from the strong winds we had to walk against to get back so I wasn’t worried about our scent. The walk to our room was cool. The carpet is

pretty trippy. I loved it. Once back in the room hubby wanted to leave again to go to dinner which started at 5pm, just a half hour ago. But there was NO stinkin’ WAY I was going to trust him to take me to dinner! I didn’t feel capable of being with people yet. My first time with people while high was only two days prior. I certainly didn't trust hubby to be in the presence of others because I didn't know, not could I tell how his puff was effecting him! I figured we were just going to stay in the room the rest of the night, skipping dinner. Hubby would not have it!

After about an hour and a half I felt more calm, and he convinced me we could do it. So down we headed to the Lounge. Would have been great, except there was no room in the Lounge so they put us in the Fine Dinning part of the restaurant! They gave us TWO menus! And this carpet was 3D boxes. I liked it a lot. I think we did ok. No one knew us so how would they know if we were behaving differently than normal? I just chose to use the path of less resistance. Used yes and no as often as was appropriate, and choose the special rather than have to chose between 20 items across two menus. While waiting for our food to arrive we actually had a conversation about time travel as I tried to explain my first high and how I felt like I traveled in time. (See that post here). For the first time, he said, he found the topic of time travel interesting and even a possibility! 

Eating was simply amazing! With heightened senses and the munchies a side effect of cannabis, eating a high quality, expensive meal was one of the best decisions ever! The little appetizer of three types of bread served with oil and vinegar was delightful. Our dinner of Pot Roast, Yorkshire Pudding, Garlic Mashed and side of veggies was excellent and the best meal ever eaten. But the surprise, and most physically engaging part of the meal came in the form of a half shell. I have never liked the idea of eating raw oyster on the half shell before. But this night my fears were suspended and I just said yes when asked if we would like “yadda, yadda, oyster on the half Shell tonight”. I totally missed the name, but I think it was Caesar Oyster in the Half Shell. 

I picked it up, made sure it was loose enough to slip off the shell and tipped my head back as I let it slide into my mouth and swallowed. It was sweet, and salty, with a hint of tomato. Absolutely stunned at how good it was I didn’t know how to react at first, until I covered my mouth and started to laugh, nearly crying from shear pleasure. Now THAT was a great experience! 

Hubby said that by the time dessert came he was pretty much clear headed. It took me another hour or so before I was. But I was no longer concerned about being in public. We had pulled it off and managed to enjoy every second of the experience. I am glad this is a one time thing for hubby. He’s more concerned with at least one parent being available for the kids than anything else. So, with us away and the kids at home it was his only chance. It might be a year or more  before he gets the opportunity again. 

Aside from the paranoia it produced in me I think the night went pretty well. 

A Night of Many Firsts

I have been restricted to partaking of my ganja alone for the first 8 weeks of this journey. With little bits of advice, coaxing, or encouragement from my bestie, Sensei. But that came to a happy end last Friday. First, how that came to happen.

Coffee dates. I LOVE coffee dates! For me they are times of deep conversation that literally feeds my heart and soul. One on one, two way connection. Earlier this week I had the privilege of a coffee date with a new friend. One who also desires deep relationship with other humans, to help keep her sane. During our conversation about religion, school and general life stuff I felt she was probably a safe person to tell I smoked weed. It was probably the best reaction I’ve ever had. She was stoked for me, and suggested we become weed buddies. Sounded like a great possibility since I’ve been on my own right from the start.

So, I tested that open ended invitation just two days later. After dropping one of the kids off to Youth Group I texted her to see what she was up to. Right away I was invited to join her and meet yet another young lady who had been told all about me already. I joined them for coffee and about an hour later we were off to find a place to enjoy a joint together. I was nervous, yet excited and ready for this step! We took my car home first as I’m too new to this to even attempt to drive. Friend #1 drove. She’s driven high a lot apparently, and since she’s still alive I figured I could trust her. 

We sat in a gas station parking lot and rolled our joints. This was the first time I had used a roller. Usually I just hand roll. My joint came out looking like a cannon and we all laughed at it, but it worked...gotta get me one of those! The two in the front shared, I just used my own in the back. I figured it saved the awkward assumption of whose stuff do we use. That, plus I was able to actually watch and learn. For instance, I found out it’s not me doing something wrong that prevents my joints from staying lit. The girls up front had to re-lite theirs too. The driver found a park at which to sit and talk while we did the puff puff pass. This night I decided not to limit myself to just a few drags. Usually I only get enough to get my head swishy. Instead, since I was out with other users I was going to smoke as much as I could. And I did….3/4 of the joint myself. That’s quite a bit considering one now lasts me four doses. 

I was also offered a drag from their joint (was I suppose to share too?). I was told it was high grade medicinal quality, medical marihuana. So another first, I have now tried medicinal quality. Holy Crap! The stuff was so smooth I couldn’t tell if I was inhaling it! I’m sure I took a good 4 or 5 drags from that one in total before we headed out. There is no comparison. That stuff was good shit! And I promptly high texted, informing Sensei via messenger we needed to get some good shit. 

The reason we were sitting in the car in a park on a blustery evening was because not one of us has an indoor place we can go to smoke (note to self; find more friends - just kidding). Kinda sad, but come summer it won’t matter too much I suspect. We headed to the drivers place were we were allowed to hang while high. I was not worried about interacting with anyone because I was told the house mate who didn't smoke up knew the driver did and was ok with it. Little did I know at the time the girlfriend and her kid were there too! I kept my head down and talked as little as possible. We watched funny cat videos. We did talk about some deep stuff. I found out I know a lot about Cannabis! More than most who smoke it. Odd how the Newbie is also the teacher. Friend #1 (the driver) made note to me after the others had left the main floor how I had just interacted with multiple people and been ok. A couple firsts....and she was right, not horrid.

I actually inquired of Sensei at this point in the night what to do. It had been suggested I have a few more puffs before I go home. But I had not done that before. When alone I have my one time outside and take in enough to get swimmy headed then I pretty much go to bed to avoid contact with any of my kids. Should I actually have a second puff? It was three hours since we were at the park. Sensei’s advice was, if I’m enjoying my night and feel good, why not!? So, I did. Weirdly, I felt rebellious doing so. It was more than just A dose to help drive out depression. This was total recreational use at this point for me. I arrived home freshly high on the medical stuff. I headed straight for bed while being congratulated via text by Sensei for being out all night. I was in the house after midnight (no ones calling me old again!). My first night with people, and in front of multiple strangers, was a smokin’ success in my books. 

The next morning was a whole new ball of wax! I’ve had the head buzz remain after smoking the night before, but that is no longer happening now. Except, I’m pretty sure using the medical stuff had a different effect on me. I was still slightly high when I first woke, and then the buzz wasn’t the same at all. This time I was so ridiculously laid back and unmotivated to move that it took me three hours to pick up and put away a few books and papers in the living room so I could vacuum it. I didn't even consider getting dressed until after noon, and packing an overnight bag for our Valentines trip was painstakingly slow. I managed to not miss anything, thankfully. I felt the effect of the previous nights high until 2:30pm, and I liked it. Interacting with my kids and husband was not a problem. I could fully think and had no trouble with getting lost on a train of thought. Perhaps that is what a body high feels like? I recall being very thankful I didn't have to work that day, cuz there would have been NO WAY I could do that! My job involve too much moving at a fast pace.

Frankly, the whole experience only solidified even more my resolve to keep moving forward with the Medical Marihuana process.

So this will happen again. It was fun! Thanks ladies for a great evening of many firsts for me. 

Dear Sensei

I use to work with my Sensei. Which was awesome cuz Sensei is a great person and often brought fun to an otherwise very busy and often exhausting work environment. But talking about anything important at work was near impossible. For this reason most of my conversations with Sensei were restricted to short bursts on a deep topic during a short break. 

 I allowed Sensei to introduce me to the magical herb. (I practically begged, actually). I felt a strong loyalty to Sensei because of their willingness to help me. I was surprised with the level of grace I received over my near panic most of the time. But no big deal was made about it. Sensei listened and encouraged, and helped. End of topic. 

 That is one of the reasons our friendship is still so very important to me. It goes beyond and before the whole Cannabis connection. I could not express to anyone just how much Sensei’s friendship still means to me. I've had trouble understanding it myself. I've fretted over it even, because I'm too much. I can easily overwhelm a person. I mean look! I'm writing a blog about my internal struggle over this friendship. Does anyone else do that!? 

It is a friendship that grew on the meeting of mind and spirit. Out of the desire to improve, grow and seek out truth. Still, when something happens I want to turn around and text Sensei all about it. I still hold back a lot, I used to feel guilty about it. Like it was wrong to want to communicate with this person, but I've recently come to realize that having a good friend with whom I feel comfortable communicating about anything is a gift. I am allowed to allow myself the enjoyment of, the luxury of a good friend, am I not? 

(What a sad, lonely and messed up life I've lived to think of friendship as a luxury!)

Really, from the first day I met this person I felt a connection to them. I didn’t understand why. Of course back then I was stupid enough to think it was because I was going to eventually convince them of their need for the God of the Bible. In the end Sensei became my saviour instead. Or to use an apparently very overused term, my Wonder-wall. Sensei was the one who was bold enough and gracious enough to be open to listen to me without judgement, go deep with me, inspire me and challenge me. Making me want to be a better person. Gifting me with a rare opportunity to learn what a good friend is. What friendship can look like. Gifting me with the experience that I can contribute to a conversation, or relationship without the experience of being rejected. Communication was easy with Sensei.
The time and effort was taken, and it made me feel valued. 

 So, to Sensei:

I miss you. I miss our deep but sporatic conversations. I've missed the friendship we had, and realize it was me who pulled away. Because I didn't understand, that I am allowed to have good, healthy friendships. I didn't know that I didn't think I was good enough to have that. 

Even though our paths are no longer traveling in the same general trajectory any more, I'm not wanting our friendship to fade. I'm not willing to let that happen. Every time something happens I want to turn around and tell you about it (I still resist a lot). Because you are a rare breed. You listen. Your interest and care for me, as just another human being is genuine. Somehow along the path of your life you have managed to loose much of ego. It is attractive, and it is inspiring! And I need more people in my life who inspire me like you do. 

Frankly, I'm sure this friendship is more one sided than I'd be proud to admit. I think I get way more out of our friendship then I can possibly give back. Sincerely, thank you for that.

So, FYI, I'm keeping you. 

J

Hippy Crack Cookies

So my first experience with edibles has finally happened and I couldn’t be happier with the result!

A quick explanation as to how I managed to get my first cookies.

I have a friend who I haven’t seen in quite some time. About a month before Christmas I told her I was looking at trying Cannabis for the first time. Two weeks ago I sent her a quick private message on Facebook to say I’ve been enjoying my new found appreciation for this herb and sent her the link to this blog. A coffee date was quickly made after that. Forward to my coffee date earlier this week. As my friend came to our table with her coffee she surprised me by pulling a bag of four peanut butter cookies out of her purse and gave them to me in honour or my new found extra curricular activity. I couldn’t believe my eyes! I was so excited! At least twice during our 3 hour coffee date I stopped talking, grinned and said, “Eeeee! I have cookies!” 

The cookies, I was told, were made using that crystal that my catcher is for on my grinder. Also known as Hippy Crack. (A new term!) She explained that the flavour of the peanut butter tends to hide the pungent flavour of the weed a bit better than others. Oh, I wish I had thought to take a picture of them, for posterity. They didn’t look any different then regular peanut butter cookies, but they smelled different! 

First thing I did when I left was head straight to Sensei! Upon seeing me I was asked how my coffee date went. I’m pretty sure I was grinning from ear to ear. I opened my purse and simply said, “THIS good!” to expose my cookies. I did offer to share, and gave Sensei two. I almost regret that now. But not completely. Because Sensei is my guide of sorts on this journey. My helper so I don’t do everything wrong, go too fast, or go over board. I’m very glad that I have a person who is willing to support me in this way. I’ve already made my share of mistakes in spite of Sensei’s guidance, which made it all the more important for me to listen this time when it came to trying my first edible. So Sensei tried them first and gave me the go ahead to have both cookies at once, instead of the half I would have tried without the guidance, which would have lead to an uneventful and disappointing experience I'm sure. 

All stupidly scientific like I decided to take notes of the experience. I’m such a nerd, I know. But don’t worry that mood didn’t last long.

One things for sure. I was VERY glad to have cookies to partake of because there was no frackin’ way I wanted to go outside in a blizzard for a puff of my last joint. Given my desire to have at least two evenings a week when I can have a puff I would not have been a happy camper if I couldn't get my midweek dose last night. 

8:19pm the cookies were both eaten and digesting. I read articles on Facebook and watched Veronica Mars.

By 9:14pm I was feeling a slight buzz in my head but nothing noticeable that would speak “Body High” to me. 

9:29pm Heart rate increased, and at times it seemed to pound. I was able to have a normal but short exchange of words with my older daughter who was in the room with me, though I don’t remember what it was about now. Shortly after 9:40pm I was leaning back on the couch and listening to Yaybahar on Youtube. I must have replayed that 7 minute video about 8 times. Simply hypnotic and relaxing! Except, I think there were certain parts of the music that actually made my heart race more. I didn’t like that part. 

9:45pm Sensei was texting; asking if I was feeling anything yet. Looking back at my responses I can tell that the more time that past the more high I was getting. But at the time I couldn't tell. The onset of this body high was definitely

different than a head high. Now I know why Sensei could not describe the difference to me. But let me try using various things I texted during and since last nights experience.

  ‘The onset was gentle and gradual. As time past I sunk deeper in’….'I love the body high way better! Relaxing! Plus heightened senses! Interesting combination.’
…’Body High for the win!’, ‘and the sex is completely different!’ 

Regarding that last topic, I just can’t ignore it, but there is no way I’m about to describe it in too much detail either! The head high has me at orgasm quick and easy. Very little is needed to bring it on if I don’t control it, which I can do now. The body high result is a stronger, more intense experience of all the senses. Kissing, touching, and every aspect of love making resulted in a far more passionate, and physically heighten experience than I have had before or ever thought imaginable. I experienced every sensation, every motion, and every moment with an insatiable desire to experience even more. I also remember it all.

Sleep was deep and restful. By morning I still felt the lingering head buzz and I wasn't too interested in getting out of bed as my body still felt heavily relaxed. 

This needs to be my main method of taking in Cannabis! It just has to! I can eat it in front of the kids and function as normal. Then I am able to excuse myself to bed when the high begins to creep in without anyone being the wiser. It’s ideal for me given how hard it is to hide the smell of smoke at least twice a week. Also I have to come in the house high, with no grace period like an edible gives. It might be a few weeks before I can actually get around to making my first actual batch of something. So I’ve got time to educate myself and choose the best option, as well as where to hide said food item where the kids will not get into it! Hmmm, Chocolate something perhaps! 

Give me your best suggestions. I’m needing all the help I can get!