Sex With A Song!??

Monday the 29th of December the kids all left to do some after christmas shopping. 

I headed to the barn for a puff around 6pm. Tonight it had dawned on me I could go in there to partake of my second rolled joint. With the lights off. Our barn is big. It holds a lot of junk. Some of the stuff is ours, some of it from others. I took a candle for light, but I figured it would be easier to use then the lighter to relight the joint if it goes out often again. Worked beautifully! Took the ashtray cup. I set up a patio chair beside a dead dehumidifier and Voila! A safe place away from prying eyes, nosey neighbours and the smell is contained. I’m sheltered from the weather as well. We shall see how long it lasts!

Still coughing, I managed to smoke 3/4 of this second joint I had rolled a couple days ahead of time to be prepared for just such a time as this. Blowing out the candle to leave added a new dimension to my return trip out the door to venture back to the house. Sudden blackness. My phone became my saving grace because I was afraid to move!

It’s been long enough now since that night that I don’t remember how I got back in the house or what I did before getting into bed. Time distorted again. I was ridiculously cold again! 

I texted my friend who was apparently online…No answer. Again my friend was missing my high. I so wanted to test out how I was able to communicate while high, but it wasn’t going to happen this night. 

What I did do was decide to enjoy some music this time. Not much else I could do laying there freezing in bed anyway. I had just the song I wanted to watch the video of. I had actually planned to watch this for my first time, but that played out differently. Find the link here to the song. Maybe you will want to enjoy it while high as well. It’s a seven and a half minute long song. I thought it was trippy when not high! So bundled up under the covers again, I watched it on my phone. 

Somewhere half way through the song I was no longer enjoying the visuals and sound sensation. But the song was enjoying me! The song ends with a prolonged mid frequency note which I “woke up” to, realizing I had just somehow, unbelievably, had sex with this song! 

I recall wondering how these artists knew, planned their video and music so perfectly to produce a visual and auditory encounter like that. It felt like it was created that way on purpose. I’m a little embarrassed to say that song pretty much set the mood for the rest of the night. Couldn’t help it. I did try to pull myself out of that direction a couple times, but finally just gave in to its overwhelming power. Three hours later…..I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep! 

Because I was a little more cognizant now I thought I was coming down…nothing could have been further from the truth!  In hind sight, I definitely smoked too much again. I messaged my friend around 4 am. Judging from the text I was still high. I was over sharing. 

Two things happened. 

First, the only thing I had read about that made me nervous was weed could increase sexual appetite. O.K., nervous and intrigued. Having been on anti-depressants in the past for a few years I had a similar experience. It took six weeks for the medication to actually have an effect, and when it literally kicked in I was insatiable! For exactly one week. It was a good week mind you. There were days I’d call my husband at work and ask if he could come home for lunch. That never happened before, or again. This night totally put that week to shame. And for days after a simple memory had me in a state of trying to control myself. 

The second thing that happened; I went to work high the next morning. Not a great idea. I didn't realize I was still high until I was actually at work and needing to interact with people. At home getting ready, it had been quiet and I was alone since everyone else in the house was still asleep. At work I was overwhelmed and lacked judgement, I could tell. I definitely made some bad decisions that day. Even got a co-worker of mine rather mad at me. I’m VERY thankful that person is very easy going and forgiving, and is still talking to me a week later! I didn’t come off this extended buzz until around 2pm. Of course, by then I was just so upset with myself for hurting my friend that I was having a hard time functioning well at work for a new reason. 

Benefits! Still seeing them. 

A sex drive like I’ve never had. This is both wonderful for my marriage and occasionally troublesome. I just need to learn to focus my mind. That helps.

I’m happy. Did I say that before? I did. I will have to find a new benefit for next blog, but for now this one will have to be recycled. I have everything I need in life, and could want really. Why it was so hard to be happy before seems ridiculous now that I am happy.  It proves, for me anyway, that happy is not circumstantial at all. There was and is nothing I can do to make myself happy out of shear will power. Reminding myself of all the good things I have just made me feel worse that I couldn't be happy because of them. 

I don’t need to constantly remind myself of those things now. I just enjoy them. I function in them. I smile because of them. I don’t want to change them. And on a related note, I was wanting to quit my job for about a year now, but couldn’t bring myself to. I think I was depressed, making the idea of a change the only thing that made sense. Now I have no desire to quit. I’m happy with my life, that includes my job. In fact it fits me well and I’m good at it.