I really feel like I’m going to forget this second high if I don't write it down…It was not as intense it’s true, but the first and the third were SO intense it is causing my second high to fade in my memory. There are two reasons I’m writing this stuff down here; one is to help me process what is happening.The second reason is to document the benefits, so I don’t forget and don't lose the purpose in what I’m doing. I’m not doing this to get lost in the haze.
Day two….or opportunity number two, really. Four days after the first and only two days before christmas. I came home from work to find no one home and no one expected for at least an hour as the family were christmas shopping. This was stupid move number two! It was still day light out, and not wanting to miss this rare opportunity but not wanting to venture outside and risk actually being seen I lit the last quarter of the first joint in the house…..yes….I really did.
I hear it now….”dufas”!
Yup. I’ll admit it. That I am.
I threw the window in my bedroom open and tried to keep the smoke going out, but I think it just blew it all back in. The left over joint wasn't a huge amount that I could accidentally over do it this time. It was just enough to give me that swimmy head feeling and then the thing was done. I was still in my work clothes I was in such a rush to do this thing. I tossed the filter into the toilet not wanting anything to remain and had a shower before laying down. Though I was kind of in a hurry to have my second joint, and to lay down in my room before the family got home, I also made a conscious effort to thoroughly enjoy a warm shower. The nervousness of the kids being able to smell it when they got home nagged at me though. So the enjoyment of relaxing was a bit hampered.
My husband came home and announced through the door that he could smell it. I sprayed lysol around the house but it didn’t get rid of the smell. This was not a good option. I’d have to tweak my protocol. I found as long as the bedroom door was closed it was not noticed in the rest of the house. Thankfully.
I laid down and don't really remember much of the next few hours. Except that I was relaxed, and that the time distortion was not as intense as the first time. For that I am thankful. I didn’t sleep this time though. It was just a nice relaxing high, in which I got very cold again. I hate this side effect! I hate being cold!
This high did not last as long. I was only about two hours by myself in bed, and then I got up and snacked in the kitchen talking to my husband. Dinner was well over by the time I got up, so I ventured into crappy snack food that is not usually found in my house, except that it is at christmas. Food underwhelmed me. I made a mental note to stock better food for my next experience. Drink didn't impress me either. Hmm, munchies not so fun for me apparently. Maybe I’m doing something wrong…
I had purposely been avoiding wine ever since my first experience. I noticed two days after my first high that I was more sensitive to acquiring a wine buzz. That’s new. Usually I can drink two full glasses and not feel a thing ,except that I sleep better. But now I feel that swishy feeling in my head half way through the first glass. Ok, cool….so now I’m very nervous to drink any wine at all in the evening, unless there is absolutely no chance for me to go out and have a puff, like on an evening before work….but that’s the next storey.
Benefits I’m seeing: A definite increase in sexual interest. This is a huge benefit! I would never have admitted it before, but I really wasn’t into sex at all. It’s not that I didn’t like it. It just seemed like so much work. I thought something was wrong with me and never had the nerve to talk about it to anyone! Not even my husband. Too much embarrassment attached to sex in general to ever consider bringing it up. I guess I did have something wrong with me. I just didn’t have a sex drive at all. I've got one now though!
A second benefit is, I’m happy. Not just relaxed and happy when I’m high, but generally happy. I bounce around at work, humming, singing and dancing while I go about the work day. I have nothing to complain about. Stupid stuff I do rolls off my back, where I would have obsessed about how stupid I was or looked to someone else for hours. The fact that I can post here about my lack of and new found sex drive is a big deal! Could NOT talk about those kinds of things before. Before fear of what others thought of me suffocated me. I lived out of the fear of what someone might think, or say about me. Now? Not so worried at all. There is SUCH freedom in that!
Attached to this second benefit is the fact that all this is happening in much less time then it took those blasted anti-depressants to kick in. The only time I took those, it took six weeks before I saw any benefit at all. Those increased my sexual desire too, but only for the first week after the kick in. Then I lost interest again.
I guess the third benefit so far is more open communication with my husband. This was first forced upon me by my “safe” friend. The idea of helping me into the world of weed was not really welcomed until my husband was in the know. I can respect a person with such integrity! When I finally did bring it up to my husband that’s when the ball started to get rolling. With only two people in my life who actually knew what I was about to embark on, it made for a very small group of people with whom to communicate. If I have something I want to share, my husband it pretty much the goto person, my “safe friend” a close second.
So, although I'd say my execution of high #2 was far from perfect again! I'd have to say the benefits are making up for my newbie-isms.
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