My first Time

So like I said before, maybe my first time was a bad trip, but I just don't know any better yet. Maybe its what others strive for, or perhaps it’s exactly what it was suppose to be. At any rate, I have learned that each experience so far is different from the last. I’m still learning.

So that first night. I was complaining to my friend on Messenger how I was frustrated I had no opportunities to have my first smoke. Bluntly, I was told to just go do it after the kids were in bed and then lay down myself. I looked around and noticed my husband sleeping, my youngest sleeping and my other two kids out and not expected back for hours. This WAS my chance! I downed the last of my glass of wine and headed to my room, closed the door and pulled everything out again. 

My first try….      

…..I was proud of myself!

Now to sneak outside and attempt to smoke it without anyone noticing me, a non-smoker smoking, or the smell! 

It was freezing out, but I sat on the dark steps anyway and lit it. It was not the easiest thing to do, that’s for sure, but I thought I could manage somewhat given that I have used puffers before. 

It’s definitely different than puffers! 

It kept going out after every two pulls on it. I’d have to relit it and tried to keep it going. Then, when I was about half way through the joint someone stepped out of their door onto the deck across the road from me for a smoke…I held my breath, tamped out the glowing ember at the end of the joint, and stifled every cough that tried to force its way out of my lungs! At this point, even though the joint was half gone I wasn’t feeling anything. I figured it was because I wasn’t inhaling well yet (I think I was wrong in hind sight). A couple real good inhales with lots of coughing told me I had taken in some actual smoke…and the head began to feel light and dizzy…I decided to go in….then decided to go back out again and finish the damn thing cuz I didn’t know what to do with only 1/4 of it left! 

Aaaaaand my judgement was fully impaired!

I stepped out again, tried to light it again when a taxi pulled up the driveway with my daughter inside….I ran in the house! Stood dumbfounded about what to do, because I was suppose to pay the taxi driver….THAT was NOT going to happen! I basically made straight for my room. And much to my surprise my daughter followed close behind, wanting to tell me about her night. I know I was not acting normal, but couldn't help it. I think I was trying to blow the smell out of my lungs when she wasn’t looking…oh dear! I just needed her to leave and be alone! I pretty much pushed her out of my room and told her I was going to bed.

Free at last, I turned the lights off and climbed into bed more lightheaded then I have ever been. Sense of balance was off, and time was warping. Getting my coat off took lots of work, and happened in an instant, but each move took forever. I distinctly remember thinking about how I would never imagine myself here, doing this when I was in high school, and suddenly I WAS in high school looking forward at me, looking back at me. Then I was sucked back to the present. I was amazed at the intensity of the time dilations I was moving through. And this was me still standing beside my bed, I hadn't even laid down yet. I opted not to change into my Pj’s for fear of falling over, plus time didn't feel on my side with moving. So I just climbed into bed. What I didn’t know until the next day was my bottom was wet from sitting out on the steps. I was frozen all night! (Turns out, all three times now, I freeze. So, it’s just a thing I guess).

So just after midnight I tried to text my friend to say I did it, I had actually smoked my first joint…of course texting when you're in a time warp, and freezing, and can barely move is rather difficult! Plus I was seeing the words on the screen both backwards and forwards all at the same time. It made finding the correct letters to type rather difficult.This is all I got out before my arms were too heavy to hold them up any longer..

I'm forcing myself to text you

I. Oh. Ah. Ha!

Bit scary really

It was scary! What was scary was I didn’t know how long it would last. Would it get more intense, and would I be able to handle the intense multi-sensory overload I was experiencing? The best thing I did before trying cannabis was to watch youtube videos about it. Nothing can really prepare you for your first high, but the one thing I did learn and was what I clung to during this overwhelming few hours, was I was not going to die, and the worst thing you could do was freak out and go to the hospital. So, when I was really overwhelmed, I just reminded myself I was not going to die, I would be ok. 

So for an unknown length of time I lay under my blankets, head covered to keep any heat I might have, in, and swirled through thoughts, and memories. What I didn’t see was colours, or visual stimuli. But it was dark, and my eyes were closed most of the time, I think…

Then suddenly I was wide awake and more aware and had more control of my thoughts and actions. It was 3am! I texted again.

.........

HO-LY-COW!!!!!!

My friend thought I was hilarious when that was read the next morning. But really! how do you put into words what was just experienced!? 

I remember my husband coming to bed and saying something that I found hilarious. I laughed harder then I ever have, but suddenly had no idea what I had found funny. I remember that when I was outside starting to smoke, when I first felt a slight buzz I wanted to smoke more because I was afraid the effect would wear off too soon, and I wanted to experience the full thing. 

My biggest concern was that the buzz lasted SO long! Thankfully I wasn’t working the next day, because the slight buzz was still evident until about 3 in the afternoon. I didn’t drive that day, but did go out christmas shopping. Milk seemed to kill the buzz within a half hour of drinking it. 

I was told, under no circumstances should I have drunk alcohol first. Liquor and then weed is not a good combination ever. I was told that the next morning, which was too late. My judgement was off from the start. I also smoked too much my first time. This was why I wanted a safe place/safe person. All the parameters would have been set for me walking in. So, it didn’t go as planned, but it did finally happen. And I didn’t hate it. As my friend pointed out, now that I had THC in my brain the next time would be different as it accumulates. The goal though, don’t forget….isn’t all about getting high. This is about helping reduce depression and any other helpful positives it might bring.

Benefits so far? Less stress, and a heightened desire for sex. THAT’s new!