Follow Up to My Cannabis Break

It was three weeks ago that I told you all I was taking a break from Cannabis. I think I've processed that week long enough. Time to tell you what happened.

I started this blog as a way to process the changes that I have been going through since starting Cannabis as my medicine. The desire to educate people grew the more I learned and realized how little actual truth about this herb is out there. 

I have to state, the changes that sometimes occur are not always medical, or physical. In my case I was very religious my whole adult life. Like, the kind of Christian who wouldn't let my kids watch Disney movies cuz they were full of witchcraft, or magic. I was THAT kind. I shutter, and have much regret for who I was back then. But I try to let the voice of wisdom speak louder and remind me that I only did the best I could with the knowledge I had back then. My best just happens to be better today then my best back then...that's all. (ok...it's not always better...I'm still a work in process.)

My last intake of cannabis in any form was a Friday night. I was off fully until Tuesday evening when I started to ingest it so I could sleep. I didn't start back to my day use, vaping and/or smoking until Saturday night a week later. It has taken these last two weeks to re-acclaimate and mentally/emotionally process all that has gone on internally.

I had a VERY bad first weekend. My biggest physical issue was restless legs, preventing me from sleeping. They hadn't actually start bothering me until day 2. But you can only go for so long without sleeping well. My other physical issues, pain, were easily dealt with by using Tylenol and Aleve. (These are the two drugs I've been on for years and the reason I started Cannabis in the first place was to get off them so as not to over stress my kidneys any further). My mental issues were mostly due to the ridiculous amount of stress I was under for a prolonger period of time. Years. And a big contributing factor was/is my ever present self doubt; doubting my judgment and well...everything. Much of this self doubt comes from the shame associated with my previous religiosity. (Not that church caused it, but rather for me it fed an already established shame and made it grow.)

A small example of how bad I was at the beginning of this pursuit; by the middle of the afternoon on the first Saturday I was literally packing all my cannabis related things into a box and hiding it all in my closet. Bongs, lighters, weed, printed material about cannabis, and my colouring page from #myTHCbox also went. I couldn't stand the sight of any of it so I cleared it out of sight completely. I was at the point of hating that I had ever started it. I deleted groups, and unfollower Cannabis community Facebook pages. I just couldn't have been more hateful towards cannabis.

By Tuesday afternoon I had pulled out a little weed to roll a joint and I start back eating my AVB with ice cream at bed time just so I could sleep. But I had still decided I'd not ever go back to using Cannabis as much as I had been. I could deal with the physical pain by using pharma products and I was willing to take the risk of damaging my kidneys. I got over that by the next Saturday.

My last day off weed was horrid. I was unable to think a positive thought. But by dinner I realized I was on a bad thought track and knew the only way to combat it was to grab my cannabis and get couch-locked! It worked too. Stress left. I calmed the fuck down and realized the sky was not falling. Next day I had the best Sunday a person could have.

And as I processed that weedless week I know that my emotional instability was not and is not caused by my Cannabis use. I really was under a crap load of situations. Most of which have now been resolved, thankfully! It just took a ridiculous amount of time. A couple issues remain, but I'm working on those with Mindfulness practices I learned in classes given by a medical Doctor here in the city; learning some new (and badly needed) coping skills, gaining insight into the causes of stress, and seeing a counsellor. I've spoken with both the M.D. and the counsellor about my shame issues that were fed and grew to huge proportions under the guise of a loving God and both have applauded me for getting out of something that caused me to feel so much shame. Unfortunately that doesn't remove some of the wrong beliefs I still have. That might take years to do in some cases. Some of those shame issues are what had me second guessing my original choice to start cannabis. So while I was six feet under all these major stressors recently those very shame issues were raising an even stronger opposition. But my week off helped clear up and remove the lack of trust I had in myself, at least regarding the issue of Cannabis as medicine!

What this whole week taught me:

The whole reason I took a weedless week was to see if cannabis was causing or creating more stress and drama in my life. I went through a strange week, denying its effectiveness first, accepting its medical use in one area of my life, and then embracing it fully again.

I've learned that Cannabis was not causing me to stress out, life was. Cannabis helps me realize what is no big deal so I can focus on what is.
I know that popping a low dose canna-cap of a Sativa/CBD mix allows me to chase the blues away. I don't feel any cerebral effects but I don't get dragged down by the time I've finished my first cup of coffee either, which can happen if I don't medicate effectively.
I know that I need to get more serious about keeping connected to the larger medical cannabis community. Not that there is anything wrong with the few people I've started to get to know, I just know they don't have all the answers either. Some of them are just as new (or newer) than me. But there is a world full of life-long medical cannabis patients who have a wealth of information that I want to learn from.

I know that I don't know enough about how to medicate properly for pain. I am still medicating with big pharma for pain and inflammation. I want and need to know more.
I'm also allowing myself some grace. My original pain issue was better for six months. I had more mobility and less restrictions due to pain since starting cannabis back December 2014. My new injury occurred mid August. It was intense! I was SO disappointed by the set back! So now, rather than being disappointed that I had to go back on big pharma drugs after I had only just gotten off of them I am learning to be ok with what is right now. Unfortunately I also badly sprained my ankle two weeks ago so I again had to increase my dose of pharma to the max while this newest injury heals. But giving myself a break (or grace) is exactly what I need to learn here, so I'm learning.

Although this may not have been the best way to do it, I do believe this break was a success. I've learned more about me, and what works for me because of it. And as a side note, three weeks out I have felt an internal shift recently that I'm hoping is permanent. It's a healthier perspective with less self doubt. If I went through a hellish week just for that it was well worth it!

Why I'm Taking A Break From Cannabis

I'm going to be honest with you. I'm really struggling right now. 

And since this blog is about first year or newbie issues I think it's fair topic to discuss here.  

I was introduced to Cannabis through a friend. After nearly a year of reading and watching docs I decided go for it. I found it removed the pain in my knees making me quicker at work, stopped my restless legs at night, allowed me to sleep an entire eight hours, and it took care of the negative nancy in my head. I was happy for the first time in my life. I danced about the house, my work was more fun and I stopped looking for another job. 

That lasted for about six months. Then I sustained a work place injury. Rotator Cuff, repetitive movement injury. That was August 2015. I've never been the same since. 

Once I was cold, stable, and analytical (and easily angered). After Cannabis I was a happy, hopeful person. Now I'm an emotional basket case. I cry at the drop of a hat. I'm more insecure than ever, and my trust meter is even lower than it use to be. 

Granted, these changes didn't come without cause! My Physiotherapist explained that the physical pain center of the brain is exactly the same as the emotional pain center. That's one of the reasons a person can have physical pain but no physical symptoms. It really is all in our heads. But it's real emotional pain. Just manifesting physically. That's part of the explanation for me, never having dealt with root issues.  

As a "doer" my shoulder injury reduced me to near helpless. Off work and lots of time on my hands I couldn't clean my house, wash or put away my dishes, fold laundry, chop food or stir a pot to make dinner. Asking for help was exhausting. And embarrassing. And frustrating. I'd have to ask my husband or kids for help and then wait for the help that didn't always come. So I'd have to ask more than once, daily. 

The rest of life is one big ball of stress. Workers Comp refused my claim (yes I'm fighting it- it's a very long process with very little information. Finally got good news last month, the WCB Advocate is finally on my case!) Meanwhile I've been on EI. Until someone through Service Canada suggested I apply for a program to cover me while I was away for a month in another Province to care for my youngest (14) during her surgeries. I couldn't justify saying I could work and look for a job while I very well couldn't! So I lost EI and have been trying to get it back now for months. It has devastated us financially. I have received no money for the last 4 months. And that's not all of it, but I'll spare you the other long details. It's been stressful, exhausting and defeating to say the least. 

This is carrying over into my attitude toward cannabis. I'm starting to doubt that this was a good idea. I've been so overwhelmed by everything that I'm not handling simple things well anymore. I'm suspecting that cannabis is making me emotionally unstable. Or at least making my emotional instability worse.

So today I'm not going to have any cannabis at all. At this point I'm not sure how long I'll avoid it but the whole weekend is my starting point. 

With the absence of a really strong support group I don't have a trusted person to bounce my questions or concerns off of. No one to remind me of why I started this journey. Maybe that's my own fault. Being too afraid of being misunderstood or of judgement to open my mouth and communicate.

Real or imaginary I already feel judgment and disapproval from my kids. So I'd rather take this time off to decide if this really is helping me, or not! 

If Cannabis really is medicinal then I should be brave enough to admit if it's not working for me. Maybe it was before but now it's not. Maybe it will again eventually. Maybe it is working well and I'm just too overwhelmed by everything else to be able to tell. Maybe I'm just out of sorts because I was not able to find an appropriate strain to match my symptoms while I have had no money all this time. It could be any one of those reasons. It's worth testing to find out. So just like testing different strains and methods of intake to see what effects are felt I'm kind of doing the opposite. Finding out what I feel or find when not on it at all. 

 As far as my pain goes I can resort to Tylenol and Alieve like I use to. They took care of my pain just fine before. Maybe I can still avoid damaging my kidneys or liver by insuring I eat and drink healthier. More water to flush me out, less coffee and sugary drinks that bog my systems down. Cuz repair of my knees isn't expected for 15 yrs or more. 

And as far as depression goes I'm at the point were I'd rather feel nothing again. I'd rather not worry that my kids (or anyone else for that matter) is thinking I'm unstable. I'm so overwhelmingly embarrassed that I'm so emotionally unstable. It seems like the worse I feel the worse my decision making is. So I'm going to test that out too.  

If I had to theorize what my results will be, I'm suspecting my emotional instability is not related to my cannabis use. It might be exacerbated by it though. So I need to find that out because I'll doubt myself until I rule it out. 

I also suspect I might just be better off medicating with topicals to reduce pain and inflammation. Especially if the cannabis is heightening my emotions while in these highly stressful situations. 

That's why I'm doing this. That's why I'm writing about it. To be accountable and honest with all of you is of upmost importance to me. Cuz if I can't be bold enough to say it's not working then I feel I'm doing dishonour to the very fact that we claim cannabis to be medicine. If big pharma drugs don't work we tell our doctor and we (or they) make changes. I don't want to be stubborn because I want it to work. Or just because it's cannabis. If I'm bold enough to say, 'hey, maybe this isn't working for me right now then that gives others permission to do the same. 

So, we shall see how this goes. I might be all for this until my legs start twitching in bed tonight and I can't sleep. Or I'll just learn how to deal with lack of sleep again like I use to. It's not like I've never done that before.

A very Quick shout out to MaryLovesGlass for sharing my blog a couple times on Facebook over the last week. My views have increased significantly. I wish I could force myself to feel happy about it. I'm certainly thankful for the encouragement! I've felt more frustrated by my blog over the last month than ever, to the point where I've removed some posts because I've not had the confidence to keep them online. And I've posted and since removed youtube videos too.

So don't take MaryLovesGlass's saying at the end of her videos, "Smile at someone today" as just a nice tag line. It is important to smile at or even encourage someone everyday. It might be the only smile or encouragement that person gets all day, or week! You never know what's really going on in the background of their life, and one smile could help make the difference in turning their perspective a little more positive. 

Here is my favourite Quote from Doctor Who's best episode. Vincent and The Doctor.

  Check out my follow up post on what I gleaned from my week off Here!

A Perspective As Canada Moves Forward

Please note: I have looked for actual study links to back up the claims I am just blatantly throwing out here. I want this to be accurate and not just some chick on a rant with no knowledge to back her up. Admittedly those hard fact studies are hard to find when journalist or articles do not site their research. I've chosen the links with the best evidence I could find (at this time). 

 How can a chemical that has shown promise to kill cancer, stop some of the most stubborn epilepsy, one we naturally produce ourselves, have a whole networked system for in our bodies  (see video below) and our nursing mothers fed us with as still (*Note: see below) mentally developing infants...how can this same chemical compound possibly have negative effects on the teenage brain?! I'm not a scientist. But I can follow the path and find an obvious disconnect. I just don't follow that logic. 

Do I agree cannabis should be widely available to any and all? Children, teens and adults alike?!  Not at all. Unfortunately our society has created such a large error in misinformation with fear tactics that I do not think that a wise move.  Instead we need to start slow and protect society from itself in a way. Put up lots of barriers, precautions and focus on good solid education that will equip people to function as good responsible adults. Slowly as the society grows to embrace the reality of this substance the protections and precautions will drop. 

To those of  you who have been on this grassroots movement for years and even decades we thank you for getting us this far! What an amazing job you have all done. It is you who took all the negative force society was brainwashed into believing. Just Wow!  It's because of you that I can feel safe to hide in my barn to smoke my prescribed cannabis. Or stand at a crosswalk beside police officers while using my vape (true story). It's also you who must feel like this process is just taking forever! You did all the hard work of birthing a movement. Not all of it is even all out into the light yet, but it almost is. 

For the rest of us just coming in or waking up to see or participate in this birthing we must remember. First to be thankful for the cost others have paid for this privilege. Second to listen to those who paid the price and have been in the trenches. They are wise! They have been thinking about this for a long time. They know some stuff!  And lastly, for everyone regardless of whether you are in the movement or a sideliner, remember we as a society are just getting birthed into this concept. It will have to be strictly regulated until we all grow and mature. 

Cuz, the last I've seen, it takes time for that to happen. About eighteen years before we've grown and matured to adulthood where we can be responsible for our own lives, give or take a few years.

So it's just a thought, but let society take it slow to grow, and catch up. Because it will be a delicate balancing act that our Politicians have to set up. I advocate education, grace, and wisdom as Canada moves at what feels like a snails pace, for now. If we learn everything we can and pass on good quality

information we can back up instead of believing and spreading crap like NASA found THC on a meteor (was probably found in a corn field somewhere), or ranting that MP Bill Blair has to go, maybe the change we are wanting will happen because of us.

* Note: Quote from link on Breast Milk...This is so huge I wanted everyone to know it.

"Endocannabinoids have been detected in maternal milk and activation of CB1 receptors appears to be critical for milk sucking ... apparently activating oral-motor musculature," says the abstract of a 2004 study on the endocannabinoid receptor system that was published in the European Journal of Pharmacology.

How I Went Legal (and you can too)

To be…or not to be…legal?

Going legal...for me the choice was a no brainer. Mostly because my personality just requires that I do things the “right way”. It’s not always as simple an answer for everyone though. That’s why I’m writing this. To let you see from my perspective how the legal system works ‘at the moment’ so you can make your own choice.

I happened to stumble upon the founder of Marihuana For Trauma in my store. So that’s who I went with to go legal. It is possible to go through the process without them. 

I found it to be a great experience. Everyone I spoke with was friendly and helpful. The most awkward part was talking to anyone about smoking joints already, illegally, without using code words or speaking in hushed tones. They understood because they had all encountered the same jarring experience. 

After stammering through my questions I was given a lot of comforting answers. I came away knowing that I was exactly the right kind of person to get legal access to Cannabis. I walked out of there 20 minutes later with a file folder full of paperwork to fill out, a two item list of things to get, and the knowledge that once the process was started it would only be a matter of about three weeks before I could have my first order placed. Wow!

So here’s how it works with MFT.

First, don’t be scared off by the Veterans Helping Veterans, like I nearly was. As a civilian MFT will work with anyone just as readily as they do with Vets, First Responders and Serving Military. If you need Medical Marijuana they will help you because they all have first hand experience with how well it works. Now, the huge benefit with going through MFT, is they are not in the business of handing out licences. They are to busy building a family and a support structure for their patients. Don’t miss this. No other organization is doing it this way, and others will most likely charge you a fee (you have to weigh out whether that's a good deal for you or not). This is what sets them apart and ahead of any others trying to copy them. 

Step One:

You need a prescription for Medical Marijuana from a Doctor. This can be your personal Family Physician, or a Specialist (Orthopedic Dr. or Psychiatrist etc). Any Doctor is legally allowed to prescribe Medical Marijuana in Canada, but not all are comfortable with it. 

What if you don’t have a Doctor (an unfortunate reality in Canada) or your Doctor will not write you a prescription? Then you will need a referral to one of the doctors that is willing to Prescribe. You can find out who is available in your area by checking this website.  (Because MFT has a presence in multiple cities and provinces you can also call your local MFT office and ask for the name of the local doctor working with them). This referral to a prescribing doctor can come from any doctor, specialist or chiropractor. I was advised that at the moment (Feb 2016) there may be a $200 fee for this doctor appointment. Check with your local MFT before you ditch the idea because of the cost. I was also quoted the $200 fee a year ago, but in the end I didn’t need to pay it. The industry is changing daily, so todays news could be old news. Contact your local MFT to get the most up to date info. 

I found a great bit of info worth adding from Whistler Medical Marijuana Corp's (WMMC) website, which applies if you are approaching your current doctor.

"When approaching your Health Care Practitioner about the use of cannabis, it is worth remembering that Canadian Physicians practice evidence based medicine. This means they may be interested in seeing studies and learn more about how medical cannabis can be used to treat your specific condition before completing your prescription, particularly if they are new to prescribing cannabis to their patients. They may also wish to know how much cannabis to prescribe. On average we see a daily allowance of between 1-5 grams per day. Some of the things that your Doctor may want to know are how you plan to use cannabis, how much you wish to use, and what type will be most beneficial to you. Take the time to research these areas before your appointment."

The paperwork I had to fill out included:

1. Permission to Share Information between doctor, MFT and the dispensary 

2. Patient Information Sheet for the doctor  

3. Application for the Cannabis Dispensary (MedReleaf) 

4. Application/Patient info for MFT. 

20 pages in all.

Step Two:

You will need to provide the prescribing doctor with medical documentation of a formal diagnosis, and a list of prescribed medications.

For me, my MRI results showing Osteoarthritis in both knees was all I needed. My list of medications was easily obtained from my pharmacy, as I have used the same them for the last 9 years. They had records that I was previously on anti-depressants. For me, the ease of finding this information was important because I did not have a family physician when I went for my MMJ licence. If you have a diagnosis already of chronic pain, PTSD, Arthritis, glaucoma, Crohn's, or other chronic condition you will need proof of diagnosis to take with you. Medical documents can be gotten from hospital records, or current or (sometimes) old doctors or specialists. There is a fee for photocopying your records. According to the College of Physicians and Surgeons the fee is limited to $0.25 per page and no more. Don't get over charged! (Found under Access to Records, last paragraph).  

Step Three:

Meeting your prescribing doctor. This person is automatically (my assumption) going to be less judgemental towards you for seeking marijuana as your medicine. So although seeing a doctor can cause anxiety for some this will probably be the most refreshing doctors appointment you will ever have. I’m sure most of the people these doctors see have used cannabis “recreationally” for years. Though not necessarily, I hadn't. It has become my belief that pretty much all people who gravitate to regular use of weed are actually medicating, whether they realize it or not. The Doctor I saw seemed to hold the same opinion.

Step Four:

Right! Paperwork done!

Doctor seen and prescription written!

You’re officially legal! 

But there’s more…

The Dr. office sends in your prescription along with your application to a Licenced Provider. This is the company (or companies) you can make your marijuana purchases from. You should schedule a meeting with one of MFT’s Cannabis Coaches. They can help you navigate some of the newer information you will suddenly become aware of. Like the differences in THC percentages and why you should be also looking for CBD %. How to purchase, what to purchase, and what method of intake will work best for your health issues. Edibles? Oils? Flower?Topicals? Vape? What is a Vape!?

Once the Licenced Provider processes your application and prescription you will receive an email informing you to log onto their website and place your first order. Your licence card will arrive with your first purchase. Legally you will now be required to carry that licence with you at all times. I’ve never been asked for it, yet…but just wait! One day there will be dispensaries in more than just Vancouver and Toronto!

One More Thing:

Some Providers are having a hard time keeping enough stock for their growing number of patients.Therefore some are accepting new patients and others are not. As you seek out your Licenced Provider options keep in mind your favourite choice might not be available to you. Also, stock changes, of course, because of growth times and such that goes along with growing and harvesting a plant. So you may find a favourite strain unavailable when you are ready to order again, but it will most likely be back. You’ll be like a kid in a candy store when you first get a look at these website! 

That said, there are many Licenced Providers (LP's) in Canada and you are free to choose which one you want to deal with. There is a list of Licenced Providers here at The Jane Exchange. Check them out ahead of time if you want. You can bring in application form from their website and ask the doctor to have your licence through another provider if you chose. Be mindful, you should do this on your first visit. It’s not really possible to change part way through the year. You will have to wait until its time to renew.

Peer Support meetings happen regularly for members.
They also have a Vape Lounge you can use with membership.

I found MFT to be a good resource and I'm glad I went with them. Knowing what I do, over a year later I'd still choose to go through them instead of going it alone. That's because of the extra perk MFT provides. The family atmosphere and non-judgmental acceptance within a larger group. That's hard to come by frankly, so there's no way I'm taking it for granted! If you choose to go through the process with MFT you will not regret it. 

 Regardless of how you go legal, doing so is worth it just to lose the fear and over the shoulder checking.

Was this helpful?

Did I miss anything? 

Do you have any questions that I can answer? Feel free to comment below. 

I can also be found on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/NewbieOnTheHerb/

And on Massroots as NewbieOnTheHerb

Current Dilemma

How do I begin to do what I am about to do!?

I’m about to have to discuss openly all the particulars of how and why I medicate with Cannabis. FACE to FACE! With people in the medical community!! Holy Shit!!

Everything new, all at once. Why not?

Let me set the scene so you too can speak expletives, or not.

I’m in Montreal with my 13 year old daughter. She is scheduled for surgery this coming Monday, and a second the following Monday. They are correcting scoliosis, so it’s a big deal that they are doing stuff to her spine. Creeps me out! But this is not something that a medicine can correct.

At first I assumed that while she was in hospital I would still be sleeping in the hotel. I discovered hours before the flight that I would be staying in the hospital room with my daughter after surgery. The ideal situation for any loving parent who wants to care for a recovering child. Except when that parent uses medical marijuana all day. 

1. Its a Children's Hospital 
2. I’m not the patient who has a right to my prescribed meds
3. I’m with a minor.
4. The hospital has strict rules about how and where medicines are stored….even for the attending parent  i.e. Behind a locked door, even the parents meds, locked up and doled out. So…ya! 

Can you imagine!?! Suddenly not having freedom of access to your own marijuana?

ha..ha..

…oh!   :(

Sounds a little like the Drug War, Hopefully its not what will happen as the Liberals work out the details of legalization. It’s certainly what would happen if Big Pharma got ahold of cannabis! Yikes!!

Well, my current reality, apart from being a concerned Mom with her daughter set for two major surgeries a week apart, is dealing with a partial restriction on my access and use of my medicine. It’s a big stressor for sure. Without properly medicating I can certainly go back to pharma for pain meds. But the anxiety and depression would worsen. And the restless leg stupid thing I get has already returned, because I’m under medicating already. Just not being at home effects my ability to medicate properly. 

ADD on top of all those unknowns and stressors the fact that I’m going to have to be open and transparent with these medical professionals, and possibly even other parents is kinda scary! I've been hiding for a year after all. Behind Newbie, behind my barn, behind my fear. So, now I'm kind of being forced by circumstances to start being open. It's very uncomfortable. But I also see it is very necessary. 

I so want to be a good witness, and reliable voice in this community! I want to be able to say I helped, I made a difference in the war on drugs (hehe). 

Maybe I’m ready for this. Maybe I’m not. I have been trying to learning as much as I could, but I realize I know so very little. I want to learn so VERY MUCH more!! (Gotta get to Prohibition for some heavy reading material while I’m here) But I do know more than someone whose never encountered a medical marijuana user before. So, I will be many peoples first example of one over the next few weeks. I will probably be spoken about for a long time too. I might be just a nobody most days, months, or years, but this is a chance in a lifetime to be a world shaker.

But no pressure!

Purchased for discreet use while at hospital. Thanks Prohibition!

Come follow me on Facebook. Get blog updates, and extras as I post pics and status daily. Especially when interesting stuff like this goes on. 

Let me know how you like my blog. Comment below and invite you're friends to join me on my second year as a newbie.